Have ye no faith in our
verity, scurrilous cad?
|
|
Read on, McDuff:
POINS: Is't come to that? I had thought
weariness durst not have attached one of so high
blood.
PRINCE HENRY: Faith, it does me; though
it discolours the complexion of my greatness to acknowledge
it. Doth it not
show vilely in me to desire small beer?
POINS: Why, a prince should not be so
loosely studied as to remember so weak a
composition.
PRINCE HENRY: Belike then my appetite
was not princely got; for, by my troth, I
do now remember the poor creature, small
beer.
King Henry VI,
Part II, Act 2
|
William Homebrew Shakespeare
(1564-1616)
No drinker of
Budweiser
was he.
|
Art ye yet unconvinced? Think'st
us to be common blackguards? Enough! Cast eyes upon the
first known campaign speech, wastrel:
CADE: Be brave, then; for your captain is
brave, and vows reformation. There shall be in England
seven halfpenny loaves sold for a penny: the three-hooped
pot; shall have ten hoops and I
will make it felony to drink small
beer: all the realm shall
be in common; and in Cheapside shall my palfrey go to grass:
and when I am king, as king I will be,--
ALL: God save your majesty!
King Henry VI,
Part II, Act 4
|
King Henry VI
Part II, Act 2, Scene 2
London. Another street.
Enter PRINCE HENRY and POINS
PRINCE HENRY
Before God, I am exceeding weary.
POINS
Is't come to that? I had thought weariness durst not have attached
one of so high blood.
PRINCE HENRY
Faith, it does me; though it discolours the complexion of my
greatness to acknowledge it. Doth it not show vilely in me to
desire small beer?
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POINS
Why, a prince should not be so loosely studied as to remember so
weak a composition.
PRINCE HENRY
Belike then my appetite was not princely got; for, by my troth,
I do now remember the poor creature, small beer. But, indeed,
these humble considerations make me out of love with my greatness.
What a disgrace is it to me to remember thy name! or to know thy face
to-morrow! or to take note how many pair of silk stockings thou hast,
viz. these, and those that were thy peach-coloured ones! or to bear
the inventory of thy shirts, as, one for superfluity, and another for
use! But that the tennis-court-keeper knows better than I; for it is
a low ebb of linen with thee when thou keepest not racket there; as
thou hast not done a great while, because the rest of thy low
countries have made a shift to eat up thy holland: and God knows,
whether those that bawl out the ruins of thy linen shall inherit his
kingdom: but the midwives say the children are not in the fault;
whereupon the world increases, and kindreds are mightily
strengthened.
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POINS
How ill it follows, after you have laboured so hard, you should
talk so idly! Tell me, how many good young princes would do so, their
fathers being so sick as yours at this time is?
PRINCE HENRY
Shall I tell thee one thing, Poins?
POINS
Yes, faith; and let it be an excellent good thing.
PRINCE HENRY
It shall serve among wits of no higher breeding than thine.
POINS
Go to; I stand the push of your one thing that you will tell.
PRINCE HENRY
Marry, I tell thee, it is not meet that I should be sad, now my
father is sick: albeit I could tell thee, as to one it pleases me,
for fault of a better, to call my friend, I could be sad, and sad
indeed too.
POINS
Very hardly upon such a subject.
PRINCE HENRY
By this hand thou thinkest me as far in the devil's book as thou
and Falstaff for obduracy and persistency: let the end try the man.
But I tell thee, my heart bleeds inwardly that my father is so sick:
and keeping such vile company as thou art hath in reason taken from
me all ostentation of sorrow.
POINS
The reason?
PRINCE HENRY
What wouldst thou think of me, if I should weep?
POINS
I would think thee a most princely hypocrite.
PRINCE HENRY
It would be every man's thought; and thou art a blessed fellow to
think as every man thinks: never a man's thought in the world keeps
the road-way better than thine: every man would think me an hypocrite
indeed. And what accites your most worshipful thought to think
so?
POINS
Why, because you have been so lewd and so much engraffed to
Falstaff.
PRINCE HENRY
And to thee.
POINS
By this light, I am well spoke on; I can hear it with my own ears:
the worst that they can say of me is that I am a second brother and
that I am a proper fellow of my hands; and those two things, I
confess, I cannot help. By the mass, here comes Bardolph.
Enter BARDOLPH and Page
PRINCE HENRY
And the boy that I gave Falstaff: a' had him from me Christian;
and look, if the fat villain have not transformed him ape.
BARDOLPH
God save your grace!
PRINCE HENRY
And yours, most noble Bardolph!
BARDOLPH
Come, you virtuous ass, you bashful fool, must you be blushing?
wherefore blush you now? What a maidenly man-at-arms are you become!
Is't such a matter to get a pottle-pot's maidenhead?
Page
A' calls me e'en now, my lord, through a red lattice, and I could
discern no part of his face from the window: at last I spied his
eyes, and methought he had made two holes in the ale-wife's new
petticoat and so peeped through.
PRINCE HENRY
Has not the boy profited?
BARDOLPH
Away, you whoreson upright rabbit, away!
P>Page
Away, you rascally Althaea's dream, away!
PRINCE HENRY
Instruct us, boy; what dream, boy?
Page
Marry, my lord, Althaea dreamed she was delivered of a fire-brand;
and therefore I call him her dream.
PRINCE HENRY
A crown's worth of good interpretation: there 'tis, boy.
POINS
O, that this good blossom could be kept from cankers! Well, there
is sixpence to preserve thee.
BARDOLPH
An you do not make him hanged among you, the gallows shall have
wrong.
PRINCE HENRY
And how doth thy master, Bardolph?
BARDOLPH
Well, my lord. He heard of your grace's coming to town: there's a
letter for you.
POINS
Delivered with good respect. And how doth the martlemas, your
master?
BARDOLPH
In bodily health, sir.
POINS
Marry, the immortal part needs a physician; but that moves not
him: though that be sick, it dies not.
PRINCE HENRY
I do allow this wen to be as familiar with me as my dog; and he
holds his place; for look you how be writes.
POINS
[Reads] 'John Falstaff, knight,'--every man must know
that, as oft as he has occasion to name himself: even like those that
are kin to the king; for they never prick their finger but they say,
'There's some of the king's blood spilt.'
'How comes that?' says he, that takes upon him not to
conceive.
The answer is as ready as a borrower's cap, 'I am the king's poor
cousin, sir.'
PRINCE HENRY
Nay, they will be kin to us, or they will fetch it from Japhet.
But to the letter.
POINS
[Reads] 'Sir John Falstaff, knight, to the son of the
king, nearest his father, Harry Prince of Wales, greeting.' Why, this
is a certificate.
PRINCE HENRY
Peace!
POINS
[Reads] 'I will imitate the honourable Romans in brevity:'
he sure means brevity in breath, short-winded. 'I commend me to thee,
I commend thee, and I leave thee. Be not too familiar with Poins; for
he misuses thy favours so much, that he swears thou art to marry his
sister Nell. Repent at idle times as thou mayest; and so, farewell.
Thine, by yea and no, which is as much as to say, as thou usest him,
JACK FALSTAFF with my familiars, JOHN with my brothers and sisters,
and SIR JOHN with all Europe.'
My lord, I'll steep this letter in sack and make him eat it.
PRINCE HENRY
That's to make him eat twenty of his words. But do you use me
thus, Ned? must I marry your sister?
POINS
God send the wench no worse fortune! But I never said so.
PRINCE HENRY
Well, thus we play the fools with the time, and the spirits of the
wise sit in the clouds and mock us. Is your master here in
London?
BARDOLPH
Yea, my lord.
PRINCE HENRY
Where sups he? doth the old boar feed in the old frank?
BARDOLPH
At the old place, my lord, in Eastcheap.
PRINCE HENRY
What company?
Page
Ephesians, my lord, of the old church.
PRINCE HENRY
Sup any women with him?
Page
None, my lord, but old Mistress Quickly and Mistress Doll
Tearsheet.
PRINCE HENRY
What pagan may that be?
Page
A proper gentlewoman, sir, and a kinswoman of my master's.
PRINCE HENRY
Even such kin as the parish heifers are to the town bull. Shall we
steal upon them, Ned, at supper?
POINS
I am your shadow, my lord; I'll follow you.
PRINCE HENRY
Sirrah, you boy, and Bardolph, no word to your master that I am
yet come to town: there's for your silence.
BARDOLPH
I have no tongue, sir.
Page
And for mine, sir, I will govern it.
PRINCE HENRY
Fare you well; go.
Exeunt BARDOLPH and Page
This Doll Tearsheet should be some road.
POINS
I warrant you, as common as the way between Saint Alban's and
London.
PRINCE HENRY
How might we see Falstaff bestow himself to-night in his true
colours, and not ourselves be seen?
POINS
Put on two leathern jerkins and aprons, and wait upon him at his
table as drawers.
PRINCE HENRY
From a God to a bull? a heavy decension! it was Jove's case. From
a prince to a prentice? a low transformation! that shall be mine; for
in every thing the purpose must weigh with the folly. Follow me,
Ned.
Exeunt
(End of Act 2, Scene 2)
King Henry VI
Part II, Act 4, Scene 2
Blackheath.
Enter GEORGE BEVIS and JOHN HOLLAND
BEVIS
Come, and get thee a sword, though made of a lath; they have been
up these two days.
HOLLAND
They have the more need to sleep now, then.
BEVIS
I tell thee, Jack Cade the clothier means to dress the
commonwealth, and turn it, and set a new nap upon it.
HOLLAND
So he had need, for 'tis threadbare. Well, I say it was never
merry world in England since gentlemen came up.
BEVIS
O miserable age! virtue is not regarded in handicrafts-men.
HOLLAND
The nobility think scorn to go in leather aprons.
BEVIS
Nay, more, the king's council are no good workmen.
HOLLAND
True; and yet it is said, labour in thy vocation; which is as much
to say as, let the magistrates be labouring men; and therefore should
we be magistrates.
BEVIS
Thou hast hit it; for there's no better sign of a brave mind than
a hard hand.
HOLLAND
I see them! I see them! there's Best's son, the tanner of
Wingham,--
BEVIS
He shall have the skin of our enemies, to make dog's-leather
of.
HOLLAND
And Dick the Butcher,--
BEVIS
Then is sin struck down like an ox, and iniquity's throat cut like
a calf.
HOLLAND
And Smith the weaver,--
BEVIS
Argo, their thread of life is spun.
HOLLAND
Come, come, let's fall in with them.
Drum. Enter CADE, DICK the Butcher, SMITH the Weaver, and a
Sawyer, with infinite numbers
CADE
We John Cade, so termed of our supposed father,--
DICK
[Aside] Or rather, of stealing a cade of herrings.
CADE
For our enemies shall fall before us, inspired with the spirit of
putting down kings and princes, Command silence.
DICK
Silence!
CADE
My father was a Mortimer,--
DICK
[Aside] He was an honest man, and a good bricklayer.
CADE
My mother a Plantagenet,--
DICK
[Aside] I knew her well; she was a midwife.
CADE
My wife descended of the Lacies,--
DICK
[Aside] She was, indeed, a pedler's daughter, and sold
many laces.
SMITH
[Aside] But now of late, notable to travel with her furred
pack, she washes bucks here at home.
CADE
Therefore am I of an honourable house.
DICK
[Aside] Ay, by my faith, the field is honourable; and
there was he borne, under a hedge, for his father had never a house
but the cage.
CADE
Valiant I am.
SMITH
[Aside] A' must needs; for beggary is valiant.
CADE
I am able to endure much.
DICK
[Aside] No question of that; for I have seen him whipped
three market-days together.
CADE
I fear neither sword nor fire.
SMITH
[Aside] He need not fear the sword; for his coat is of
proof.
DICK
[Aside] But methinks he should stand in fear of fire,
being burnt i' the hand for stealing of sheep.
CADE
Be brave, then; for your captain is brave, and vows reformation.
There shall be in England seven halfpenny loaves sold for a penny:
the three-hooped pot; shall have ten hoops and I will make it felony
to drink small beer: all the realm shall be in common; and in
Cheapside shall my palfrey go to grass: and when I am king, as king I
will be,--
ALL
God save your majesty!
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CADE
I thank you, good people: there shall be no money; all shall eat
and drink on my score; and I will apparel them all in one livery,
that they may agree like brothers and worship me their lord.
DICK
The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.
CADE
Nay, that I mean to do. Is not this a lamentable thing, that of
the skin of an innocent lamb should be made parchment? that
parchment, being scribbled o'er, should undo a man? Some say the bee
stings: but I say, 'tis the bee's wax; for I did but seal once to a
thing, and I was never mine own man since. How now! who's there?
Enter some, bringing forward the Clerk of Chatham
SMITH
The clerk of Chatham: he can write and read and cast accompt.
CADE
O monstrous!
SMITH
We took him setting of boys' copies.
CADE
Here's a villain!
SMITH
Has a book in his pocket with red letters in't.
CADE
Nay, then, he is a conjurer.
DICK
Nay, he can make obligations, and write court-hand.
CADE
I am sorry for't: the man is a proper man, of mine honour; unless
I find him guilty, he shall not die. Come hither, sirrah, I must
examine thee: what is thy name?
Clerk
Emmanuel.
DICK
They use to write it on the top of letters: 'twill go hard with
you.
CADE
Let me alone. Dost thou use to write thy name? or hast thou a mark
to thyself, like an honest plain-dealing man?
CLERK
Sir, I thank God, I have been so well brought up that I can write
my name.
ALL
He hath confessed: away with him! he's a villain and a
traitor.
CADE
Away with him, I say! hang him with his pen and ink-horn about his
neck.
Exit one with the Clerk
Enter MICHAEL
MICHAEL
Where's our general?
CADE
Here I am, thou particular fellow.
MICHAEL
Fly, fly, fly! Sir Humphrey Stafford and his brother are hard by,
with the king's forces.
CADE
Stand, villain, stand, or I'll fell thee down. He shall be
encountered with a man as good as himself: he is but a knight, is
a'?
MICHAEL
No.
CADE
To equal him, I will make myself a knight presently.
Kneels
Rise up Sir John Mortimer.
Rises
Now have at him!
Enter SIR HUMPHREY and WILLIAM STAFFORD, with drum and
soldiers
SIR HUMPHREY
Rebellious hinds, the filth and scum of Kent, Mark'd for the
gallows, lay your weapons down; Home to your cottages, forsake this
groom: The king is merciful, if you revolt.
WILLIAM STAFFORD
But angry, wrathful, and inclined to blood, If you go forward;
therefore yield, or die.
CADE
As for these silken-coated slaves, I pass not: It is to you, good
people, that I speak, Over whom, in time to come, I hope to reign;
For I am rightful heir unto the crown.
SIR HUMPHREY
Villain, thy father was a plasterer;
And thou thyself a shearman, art thou not?
CADE
And Adam was a gardener.
WILLIAM STAFFORD
And what of that?
CADE
Marry, this: Edmund Mortimer, Earl of March.
Married the Duke of Clarence' daughter, did he not?
SIR HUMPHREY
Ay, sir.
CADE
By her he had two children at one birth.
WILLIAM STAFFORD
That's false.
CADE
Ay, there's the question; but I say, 'tis true: The elder of them,
being put to nurse, Was by a beggar-woman stolen away; And, ignorant
of his birth and parentage, Became a bricklayer when he came to age:
His son am I; deny it, if you can.
DICK
Nay, 'tis too true; therefore he shall be king.
SMITH
Sir, he made a chimney in my father's house, and the bricks are
alive at this day to testify it; therefore deny it not.
SIR HUMPHREY
And will you credit this base drudge's words,
That speaks he knows not what?
ALL
Ay, marry, will we; therefore get ye gone.
WILLIAM STAFFORD
Jack Cade, the Duke of York hath taught you this.
CADE
[Aside] He lies, for I invented it myself. Go to, sirrah,
tell the king from me, that, for his father's sake, Henry the Fifth,
in whose time boys went to span-counter for French crowns, I am
content he shall reign; but I'll be protector over him.
DICK
And furthermore, well have the Lord Say's head for selling the
dukedom of Maine.
CADE
And good reason; for thereby is England mained, and fain to go
with a staff, but that my puissance holds it up. Fellow kings, I tell
you that that Lord Say hath gelded the commonwealth, and made it an
eunuch: and more than that, he can speak French; and therefore he is
a traitor.
SIR HUMPHREY
O gross and miserable ignorance!
CADE
Nay, answer, if you can: the Frenchmen are our enemies; go to,
then, I ask but this: can he that speaks with the tongue of an enemy
be a good
counsellor, or no?
ALL
No, no; and therefore we'll have his head.
WILLIAM STAFFORD
Well, seeing gentle words will not prevail,
Assail them with the army of the king.
SIR HUMPHREY
Herald, away; and throughout every town
Proclaim them traitors that are up with Cade;
That those which fly before the battle ends
May, even in their wives' and children's sight,
Be hang'd up for example at their doors:
And you that be the king's friends, follow me.
Exeunt WILLIAM STAFFORD and SIR HUMPHREY, and soldiers
CADE
And you that love the commons, follow me. Now show yourselves men;
'tis for liberty. We will not leave one lord, one gentleman: Spare
none but such as go in clouted shoon; For they are thrifty honest
men, and such As would, but that they dare not, take our parts.
DICK
They are all in order and march toward us.
CADE
But then are we in order when we are most out of order. Come,
march forward.
Exeunt
(End of Act 4, Scene 2)